Today, I had a coaching conversation with a client caught between two seemingly conflicting mindsets: being flexible and going with the flow versus staying focused, structured, and organized.
She wanted to stay focused and follow her routines. However, whenever something unexpected happened or her plans changed, she found herself feeling guilty. Breaking a habit or deviating from her schedule often made her feel as though she had done something wrong. Instead of accepting the change, she would end up being hard on herself.
As we explored this dilemma, a deeper story began to emerge.
From Corporate Life to a New Beginning
My client had stepped away from corporate life a year ago after 21 years of professional experience. For a long time, she had been operating on autopilot, following the demands and routines of a structured professional life.
Since leaving her job and starting to work as a freelancer, she had experienced a noticeable change. She felt calmer, more relaxed, and more connected with herself. She also felt that her creativity was beginning to flourish in ways it hadn’t before.
Yet, despite enjoying this newfound freedom, she was still holding on to some of her old expectations.
Whenever her day didn’t go according to plan, she felt guilty. Even though her life had changed, the internal pressure to remain disciplined and stick to a routine was still there.
It was almost as if she had permitted herself to change her lifestyle but hadn’t yet permitted herself to change her expectations of herself.
Photo Courtesy of Unsplash by LOGAN WEAVER
Remembering a Time When She Trusted Herself
During our conversation, I asked questions that encouraged her to look at her experiences from a different perspective.
She recalled her pregnancy, a time when she felt genuinely happy, confident, and proud of herself. She was conscious of her diet and mindful of her choices, with a clear intention of having a happy and healthy child.
What stood out was not simply her discipline during those nine months, but the way she experienced that period of her life. She felt positive and confident about what she was doing.
This reflection offered her an opportunity to reconnect with a version of herself who could be mindful, committed, and happy without constantly questioning her choices.
Perhaps the question wasn’t whether she could be disciplined or flexible. Perhaps it was whether she could trust herself enough to know when each was needed.
The Realization: Stop Beating Yourself Up
As we continued exploring her dilemma, she began to recognize something important.
When I asked what was stopping her from accepting changes in her routine, she realized that there wasn’t any real reason to feel guilty. The guilt was coming from her own expectations and lack of confidence in allowing herself to do things differently.
She acknowledged that being hard on herself wasn’t helping. Instead, she wanted to accept herself as she was, focus on her work, and learn to slow down.
She realized that a schedule change didn’t mean she had failed. A break in routine didn’t mean she was being unproductive or undisciplined.
Sometimes, life simply happens differently from how we planned it. And that is okay.
By the end of our conversation, she hadn’t created a new routine or developed a detailed action plan. Instead, she arrived at something much more meaningful: the realization that she could slow down, accept herself, and stop feeling guilty about every small change in her plans.
A Reflection for All of Us
How often do we hold ourselves accountable to expectations that no longer serve us?
We may move into a new phase of life, change careers, start working independently, or consciously choose a slower pace. Yet, we continue to measure ourselves using the standards we lived by in an entirely different chapter of our lives.
We tell ourselves that we want more freedom, but feel guilty when we exercise it. We want to be more relaxed, but criticize ourselves when we aren’t productive every moment. We want flexibility, but struggle whenever life deviates from our carefully planned schedules.
Perhaps the challenge isn’t always about finding a better routine or becoming more disciplined. Sometimes, it’s about learning to be kinder to ourselves.
Being focused doesn’t mean being rigid. Being flexible doesn’t mean being undisciplined. And slowing down doesn’t mean falling behind.
Sometimes, growth begins when we stop trying to fix ourselves and start accepting ourselves.
And perhaps one of the most powerful things we can learn is this:
You don’t have to feel guilty every time life doesn’t go according to plan. You are allowed to pause, adapt, slow down, and simply be yourself.
As a coach, I find that some of the most meaningful outcomes of a coaching conversation are not ready-made solutions, but the realizations that emerge when people give themselves the space to reflect, question their assumptions, and reconnect with their own wisdom.
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